Companies such as Teensafe trade on an assumption that it is possible to protect children from all risks and that the way to do this is to watch every move so as to avert or intercept potential harm. These types of messages feed into the culture of fear about the dangers children face. It also goes against the growing body of evidence that shows that — unless trusted to take risks — children are losing the very skills they need to navigate the world and deal with the genuine risks they will encounter.
This is not to say we should trust children blindly and neglect our responsibility to protect them from harm. On the contrary, every child needs to be supported in working out how to safely negotiate their way around social media, online gaming, email and texting. Concerns such as cyber-bullying , online stalking, identity theft and access to inappropriate content are some of the risks children need to be aware of.
Building digital literacy and involving children in educating adults about social media are two more productive options. We need to ask why this level of scrutiny would ever be necessary.
Teenagers have always had secret parts of their lives, and a trusting relationship with a parent is a better antidote to the risks they may encounter than a one-size-fits-all monitoring device that carries with it the potential to undermine that trust.
Portsmouth Climate Festival — Portsmouth, Portsmouth. Edition: Available editions United Kingdom. But, as a child develops and gets older, a natural and healthy separation begins. The day comes when your child goes to the bathroom and closes the door because he wants privacy, and he gets embarrassed if someone walks in. This separation is a natural part of human relationships, and as teens get older, the lines of separation begin to form and become clearer.
Adolescents need to separate and individuate. Individuation is a developmental process that takes place when children want to have a life of their own, and adolescence is really about preparing them for that. You should know that part of that process includes forming boundaries.
To put it simply, boundaries are where your child ends and you begin. They should have a room where they can go and just close the door. If you have a teenager who is responsible, respects her curfew, is where and with whom she said she would be and is generally trustworthy and honest, then I suggest you stay out of her room.
And I think you should tell her that, too. You can say something like:. I have no reason not to trust you. In short, your lack of interference in her personal space is a direct result of her actions. We want to raise a young adult who can make independent decisions and who can have a life of their own. Part of having a life of their own is having a space of their own. The word is just too overused in our culture.
Instead of talking about rights, I prefer talking about responsibility, accountability, and obligations. One empty beer can is sufficient reason. If you find alcohol or drugs or pills, I think you have to start looking around, because your responsibility is to try to protect your child from himself.
And in order to accomplish that, you need knowledge. Remember, knowledge is power. The power you get when your eyes finally open and you see something clearly. Your responsibility is to be upfront and clear.
If he hides it outside of the house, he hides it outside of the house. The phone plan is probably in your name and you probably bought the electronic devices. In general, I think parents should be checking up on their child after a major infraction—and giving them effective consequences —as an obligation and a responsibility.
Turning things around is a tactic kids use to put parents on the defensive. They create an argument as a diversion to avoid taking responsibility for their actions or behavior.
Below are a few tactics kids use in this situation and how parents should respond to ensure the discussion stays on track. Instead, the parent should calmly say something like this:. The problem is not spying. The problem is the rolling papers you have in your drawer.
If you want to yell or scream, go yell or scream someplace else. Go sit down, take a walk, go have a cup of tea. Your child needs to trust that you respect their right to have privacy and a say in decisions about their life. Your child will also be more likely to come to you when they need help. It could also be that your child is spending too much time alone on the computer or internet.
How much privacy is appropriate? But there are other things that can be private between your child and their friends — for example, what they talked about at a party, or who they danced with.
It can also help to discuss privacy with your child, set some ground rules and work out some boundaries. These can be changed as your child gets older. The best monitoring is based on everyday rules and routines, plus staying connected with your child. Too little monitoring can leave teenagers without the support they need to make safe decisions about behaviour and relationships.
For a one-off breach , you could withdraw a privilege. For example, you could take away some TV or computer time, or not drive your child to an activity. You might also need to monitor your child more closely for a period while you rebuild trust. For major breaches of trust , or breaches that keep happening, you and your child will need to rebuild trust over time.
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